TiM!

So years later....

2009-06-17T11:31:15Z

It seems it's been a long time since I have written anything here....

Of late, I have:

-Packed and moved my whole classroom up two flights of stairs and started putting together the new room

-Spent a weekend with the boy scouts and did 15 miles in a kayak in three days, 8 miles of which was super choppy water

-Spent money I don't have on items I don't need and dinners with good friends

-Visited six flags on a warm dreary day and rode ALL the big rides in less than 2 hours

-Brought Eric camping remote style where we were dropped off on an island and left to our own devices (sure beats the RV camping he is used to)

-Taken a boot camp class at the gym which has left my ass sore for the last three days

-Invested way too much time and money into my car

...and there have been other shinanigans, as there usually are....

Today: Camp starts: I hope I still love it.

I'm looking for something different. Just for today. Just something.

I'm suppressing the urge to run. This monster of evolution inside me. There is no
logical reason for me to go or any desired destination. Tell that to the aching feet.

I need a new challenge in my life. Bring me something.

fylgja @ 2009-04-05T16:37:00

2009-04-05T20:41:29Z

Jumping head first into the dark.

My need for sleep had overcome my sensibility and logic. The deep emotional reaction, while warranted, needs to remain stuffed away, where no one will see.

Keep going. Your oblivion confounds and baffles me. Perhaps without peering into the world at all, you don't have deal with your own inadequacies. I still see them. I still see you. Your personal alienation is both painful and grotesque.

Have another drink.

Forget that we're all out here.

Can you hear it too?

2009-04-04T00:46:09Z

Maybe it is just this season of change...

but I hear a dull roar...a building of sound in the back of my mind.

Something big is changing, or needs to change, or maybe it is I who am changing again.

Standing in a crowded room screaming and slowly falling apart.

Do you hear it?

fylgja @ 2009-01-04T01:01:00

2009-01-04T06:01:50Z

Someday it's all going to make sense...

fylgja @ 2008-12-18T06:58:00

2008-12-18T12:03:20Z

"And I wake up and I ask myself what state I'm in
And I say well I'm lucky, cause I am like East Berlin
I had this wall and what I knew of the free world
Was that I could see their fireworks
And I could hear their radio
And I thought that if we met, I would only start confessing
And they'd know that I was scared
They'd would know that I was guessing
But the wall came down and there they stood before me
With their stumbling and their mumbling
And their calling out just like me..."
~Dar Williams

Who know it could be so good outside those walls?

fylgja @ 2008-11-17T18:15:00

2008-11-17T23:16:45Z

You asked me why I had these walls....

...then you proved to me I need them.

You're mistake is almost as big as mine.

fylgja @ 2008-10-25T16:24:00

2008-10-25T20:24:23Z

I once thought I had a real good idea of what I want to get from this life.

I was always seeking new things. Now... I'm just not.

I want to be, but for some reason I'm not.

I need to get out of this rut and find a little piece of myself again.

Soon.

fylgja @ 2008-09-09T21:34:00

2008-09-10T01:37:00Z

You ever have that moment where things just don't feel right? where there is something wrong but you are not quite sure what it is? I'm there now.

Maybe it is the sinus meds.

Maybe it is being back to work and being busy ALL the time.

Maybe it is having another lame master's class this week.

Maybe it is just a distance.

I can't pinpoint where it is coming from but I am having a feeling of wrong.

I need to get out of here for a while. Somewhere warm maybe. Definitely something different.

I've been thinking of what I would really need to pack in the car to make it away...it isn't much.

I need to buckle down, bolt down the hatches, suck it up and stay the course....

...but there is something else out there and I hear it whispering to me.

I can ignore a whisper.

For now.

fylgja @ 2008-07-16T20:50:00

2008-07-17T00:51:59Z

For all the reasons that are mine, I am thinking of moving again...

fylgja @ 2008-07-14T20:16:00

2008-07-15T00:19:13Z

I wish I had new and exciting news to post here.

Camp is a blast...I may have helped to break someone's nose...but he is ok with it so I guess it's all good.

The dating life is at a hault.

I haven't seen my home town friends in a milennium......and that needs to be remedied..

and I have concert tickets for Linkin Park this weekend which I am pretty damn pumped for.

Otherwise....Life does as it does...it goes on.

Love to all.

~TiM!

fylgja @ 2008-07-06T21:31:00

2008-07-07T01:31:47Z

Did you feel that?

I wish I could explain it.

Tonight was totally unexpected and ugh...not what I wanted.

fylgja @ 2008-06-22T07:03:00

2008-06-22T12:04:28Z

You just wouldn't believe the stuff I have seen down here...I need like another month to really take it in myself. Sometimes words are just not adequate.

fylgja @ 2008-06-19T13:37:00

2008-06-19T18:38:19Z

Peru is pretty much awesome....I am at elevation in Cusco and going to go look at ruins of the native people this afternoon...

Pretty much I could live here....except I need to learn spanish.

Hope all is well elsewhere in the world.

fylgja @ 2008-06-08T00:22:00

2008-06-08T04:22:48Z

once upon a time I was my own entity...perhaps soon I will be again...the time has come....

The Maiden Voyage...

2008-05-14T21:45:36Z

I took my kayak out on the lake for the first time this summer....it was nice.

The wind picked up (as it seems to do) on my return trip across the lake which made this voyage a bit of a workout...but fun none the less. I wish it were still sunny out....

fylgja @ 2008-05-09T18:08:00

2008-05-09T22:10:01Z

As much as I hate the fact that I am saying this, I would like a little consistency to my life....

As much as I have fought it my whole life, I would like a little regularity.

I know where the holes are, I just need to do some filling in...like a paint by number....

...only someone has made off with all the best colors.

It's just been enough...

2008-04-30T02:34:30Z

"There's nothing I believe in more than my own insignificance
So why does everybody think that my words can make a difference
I just don't have time to think up every social consequence
I'll just keep on talking you keep applauding"
~SR-71 "Politically correct"

Just keep going.

Is it just the job?

2008-04-25T23:08:09Z

So I lost my job today. To clarify I am still employed, but I lost MY job.

Do to funding shortages and leaves of absence, I have been moved from the special education department into the science department. I will be teaching regular high school students in classes such as Freshman science and Environmental science. As much as I love the subject area, I am not thrilled. I am not impressed. I am not amused.

I am good at what I do and I like my kids. I like my boss. I like my job. Now I am being told the job description has changed. I have a new role. A new job.

I need time to process.

fylgja @ 2008-04-12T21:34:00

2008-04-13T01:34:46Z

...this is not my life...this is not my life....this is not my life....

fylgja @ 2008-04-10T20:13:00

2008-04-11T00:14:20Z

I need a plan....

...and I need to go...

fylgja @ 2008-04-06T18:50:00

2008-04-06T22:50:35Z

I have a week off and limited funds. I am looking to get out of dodge...any suggestions?

fylgja @ 2008-04-04T06:40:00

2008-04-04T10:44:09Z

I'm ready for an adventure.....

I miss having spontaneity in my life...I guess that's what happens when you go down a chosen path so far.

The snow is finally beginning to disappear...I can't wait for it to be completely gone. The weather is supposed to stay in the forties for a bit. That should help.

I need there to be something more to my life. I'll figure it out eventually.

"You can't always get what you want...."

2008-04-02T03:09:16Z

Unfortunately true....

But I guess you have to know what you want...

fylgja @ 2008-03-21T16:08:00

2008-03-21T20:09:37Z

It's all kind of falling apart.

Send me some clarity.

fylgja @ 2008-03-13T20:09:00

2008-03-14T00:08:44Z

I need desperately to turn that frown upside down.